Letter To My Little Sister In Heaven

Hi everyone this is your girl Tashnee.V.Mavee

Dear Ruth

My sister, it’s almost  10 years that u passed away, but it still seems like yesterday to me. Some days are better than others, but today is the day you left me. As I sit here, I can’t stop the tears from falling down my face. I miss you so very much. I just want you to know that you always were and will always be apart of me.

I blame myself for your death, I should have not let you go that morning. I knew when you’re leaving the house that you are not going to return back to us. But I guess I didn’t want to believe it was true. I saw your death but I did nothing to stop it. My visions we’re very clear, when you asked for my jacket and I denied to give it to you, I thought am going to protect you by not giving up the jacket, because I used to see you wearing my jacket on my visions when you met your death. I guess, I was wrong. Maybe I should have given you my jacket, just maybe you’ll be still alive.

Now your gone and left me, each day passes I ask myself one question, why didn’t l give you my jacket that faithful morning. You asked me for a favour, a little one but I denied you that favour, I still remember what u said to me on that day.

Ruth: Sister please borrow me your jacket,

Me: No if I give you this jacket I know deep down my heart it won’t return.

Ruth: But Sister this is the last favour you will do for me and I will never bother you again, you will see.

Me: I said no and I know why am saying this please respect my decision, stop bothering me am sleeping.

Ruth: you don’t want to borrow me your jacket and you don’t want to look at me, you’re seeing me for the last time, so u rather wake up and say goodbye to me. And always show my daughter my pictures and tell her how much I loved her.

Me: I really don’t understand why your saying all this words, you’re not going to stay forever were you are going. It’s only three months. So stopping talking like your going to stay forever were you are going.

Ruth: One day you will understand and please protect her as your own, I am giving you my child cause u already spoiled her, keep on doing things for her like you always do. And tell mom and dad I love them. I will see you when we next meet, bye big sis.

Those were your last words to me, I knew what you meant by those word you said to me, but I was in denial, you saw your timely death. I regret my action. I should have provided you with my jacket. A sisters love is something I was blessed to have. Sisters bond is so strong, that not even in death can it be broken. Your my and guardian angel.

You left us so quickly and unexpectedly
We still had a lot of things we needed to do together. I wish I could call you,
just to talk and laugh with you
You were my shoulder to cry on, my advisor, my best friend. But most of all, you were and still are My Little Sister.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and expect you to come to see me.
I miss you more each day and I Love You now and forever.

Your daughter is a big girl now, she is beautiful and intelligent, she sometimes look at your pictures and cry. I know she wish you were alive. I give her everything a child could ask from her mother. But nevertheless if it was from you it will be much more better. She calls me mom and calls my husband dad.

Last year she lost her father and that made her to break down a bit. Even though her real father did not bother to support the child when you were gone, he still remains her father. The last time I saw him it was 2008 on her birthday, one year after your departure in this world. Until I saw him last year not breathing. When his mother called me to tell her daughter that his no more.

I was angry I wanted to tell him my mind, I wanted to ask him why did he bring a child to this world and he does not even know what she eat or if she have a roof on top of her head. Your daughter always asked me, why the father hated her so much that he didn’t bother to see her or send money across to her. She even told me that, the last time he talked to her before he was killed, he said if she was a boy he would have loved her more.

 I am  so angry at him and I would never forgive him, because he left a big wound to my daughter’s heart, after I suffered to convince her that he loved her, he was just only ashamed to come and visit because he didn’t have money to give to her. I know I lied to her by saying that because I wanted to protect his reputation. But he went and told her that he loved her less. Just because few years later he had to sons. If you see him tell him I will never forgive him. Maybe someday I will try to forget and forgive. But for now I can’t.

If wishes could come true, I  would have exchanged my life for yours. If tears could bring you back, I would cry every day.  But God knows why he called you so early, I can’t question his decision towards your life. I only wish you could have stayed a little bit longer. Especially for your daughter, but don’t worry she is in the safe hands. Were always here for each other, now that you have gone to live with our Lord. I know you are better off, but my heart misses you terribly. I love you so much, my your soul rest in perfect peace.

Your loving sister, Victoria